So, I've talked a lot about Claire's arrival in a play by play basis... but I haven't talked about what I've been feeling over the past week and a half. Having your first child, I think, brings about a wide range of emotions in a parent. When Claire was born, Jordan and I both cried (along with the grandmas, of course :) --it's just a big release when your baby has finally come, and the miracle of the birth really sets in. Like I said before, Jordan's paternal instincts set in pretty quickly, and my maternal instincts have been progressively stronger... I haven't really been a "baby" person--someone who loves all babies, can't get enough of them, wants to work at a daycare, etc. But, it truly is different when the baby is your own.
So, I've been having these fairly depressing feelings, like how I can't imagine anyone wanting to harm any little baby...just thinking about during the time that Jesus was born, how Herod commanded his soldiers to kill all babies under two years of age. I can't imagine that--and wonder how many of those soldiers had a hard time carrying out those orders. Wondering also how God felt as those innocent babies were killed.
Also, as I nurse Claire, I think about the pioneers, starving and exhausted as they crossed the plains. As a mother, you think so much about making sure your child gets enough to eat and is able to grow at the right pace, etc... I can't imagine those pioneer mothers, that since they don't get enough to eat themselves, they can't produce enough milk for their babies. And the sad cries of the child...that is just unimaginable. It's no wonder so many babies didn't make it through that difficult trek.
That also leads me to think of all of the children of the world that die every day. It really gives you an eternal perspective because I can't imagine the Lord allowing that to happen if this life weren't simply a small portion of our eternal progression.
Sorry this post is really depressing...sadly, this is what I've been thinking about lately!! But on a lighter note, I really need to say...I don't want Claire to grow up. I want her to stay a sweet innocent baby forever! I don't want her to grow up and not need me anymore!
I also can understand better why so many parents are "helicopter parents," swooping down to help their child avoid any heartache or trials in life. I'm not planning on becoming a "helicopter parent," but I can understand that temptation. I look at Claire, and I never want any of her classmates to call her names, never want her to have to deal with peer pressure, have to make tough decisions, or handle heavy responsibilities. But, I know that she'll have to endure it all--endure life, just like the rest of us!
Anyway, those are my thoughts. Very crazy I know! I'm glad that she won't be a teenager anytime soon, so at least I've got that.
8 comments:
Gives you a lot to think about. Children are so precious and such a joy, it is hard not to be an overprotective mom! You really have those roller coaster feelings, up and down. I have never felt so happy and so much love, on the other end, sometimes I get so mad, or it is so hard. Maile was sick last week, and I wished I could just take it all away from her. I would rather go through it all then to see my child suffer, but like you said, it is necessary and they need to experience it for themselves. Thanks for the reminder.
she is so pretty! acho que ela tem a boca do Jordao, o que voce acha? e trevor pensa nas mesmas coisas que voce comentou. Um dia saberemos o motivo de tudo ne?
teamo!
I love the little pucker on her lips. Oh and you look awesome in the family pictures, but I second that, BAD timing. YOU JUST HAD A BABY!!!
How depressing. I remember when I had Aiden I just felt like it brought a whole new meaning to my life, to focus, new perspective!! I find now I tend to have more of your same thoughts!! So much so that I can’t watch the news or I get physically sick. As a parent the worry never goes away, you feel all the pain your child does and in some cases I think it is worse for the parent. It is very tempting to be as you call it a helicopter parent but it causes more damage for the child than good. The other notable thing about being a parent is you notice your capacity to love grows in a way you can’t imagine.
I can't tell you how many of the same thoughts I had when my babies were first born!! Becoming a parent changes everything and gives you a unique perspective on all types of situations. It's incredible how these little people can change us so much - so quickly.
Totally totally totally have those same thoughts! I'm so grateful that we have the blessings of food, central heating, clothes, etc! you are such a cute mom already, love reading your blog.
Yes!! I'm glad I'm not the only "CRAZY" one! :) And I promise, I'm not going through postpartum depression :)
Janessa, I have been so impressed with the way you have cared for your sweet little girl. You are a natural. You did make me cry with your thoughts. I felt those things too when I was a new mother. But I also enjoyed the journey of watching you all grow up. I am so proud of you and so happy that you are now a mother. No one understands motherhood until they have the priviledge of being a mother. It is the greatest blessing and brings the greatest joy. And also can cause the greatest sorrow when our children make mistakes. We love you so much! You and Jordan will do a great job raising little Claire.
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